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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Written in Early Summer of 1976

“Is it possible to go overboard on giving You money, God?”

That was a ridiculous question for me to ask three weeks ago considering the fact that my
own monthly income was only $455.  Financially I was not in enough funds to go
overboard on giving to God.  But yet the question was still resounding in my uttermost
being.  Not only did I want that question answered, but I had another one.  “God, what is
giving all about?”

I had been brought up as a child to give faithfully to God.  I never strayed from that
parental guidance; however, as I obtained full-time employment, I only gave God my 10
percent while about 20 percent went into a savings account.

Then in April of 1975, I become interested in giving God more of my income.  I knew
there were blessings attached to those who gave to God (Proverbs 22:9; Mal. 3:10) and I
knew that there were some who obtained monetary returns from God, but I was not
interested in those things.  I just wanted to know what it was like to give God more
money.  So, for two months, I gave God a monthly gift of $100.  (My regular tithe was
$40 even though at that time my monthly income was $395.)  I was actually giving God
$50 more than my regular tithe.

I was not seeking any gift from God in return.  I was merely taking part in an adventure.  I
simply wanted to know what it was like to give God more.  In a way I was reaching out to
God in interest about the word called “giving” and yet, God in His love decided to reward
me openly with monetary blessings.  In June when it came up to the decision of what the
monthly raise would be where I worked, my monthly income rose to $455 -- a $60

Giving to God is an adventure for anything that pertains to spiritual matters is an
adventure.  Giving to God is not often preached by ministers.  A man may be willing to
give his heart and soul to God and yet still be unwilling to give God a small portion of his

It wasn’t until January of 1976 that I began to understand a little of what giving to God
actually is.  At that time I decided to give a two month trial run...I was to keep half of my
take home salary and God was to have the other half.  However, I ran into a snag and it
took me four months to complete a two month intention.

In May after I reflected on the fact that I had given God over $500, I discovered that I had
become a compulsive giver.  I was not satisfied to fall back to my regular 10 percent tithe.
I began to question my motives on giving and I began to ask God what His feelings on
giving were.  Was I proud of the money I was giving God or had some of the wisdom in 2
Cor 8:14 crept into being?  “But by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may
be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want: that
there may be equality.”

Then on May 31, 1976, after I had again questioned God on what giving actually was all
about, He gave me His answer straight from the Bible.

2 Cor 9:9-14 - "(As it is written, He hath dispersed abroad; he hath given to the poor: his
righteousness remaineth for ever.  Now he that ministereth seed to the sower both
minister bread for your food, and multiply your seed sown, and increase the fruits of your
righteousness;) Being enriched in every thing to all bountifulness, which causeth through
us thanksgiving to God.  For the administration of this service not only supplieth the want
of the saints, but is abundant also by many thanksgivings unto God; Whiles by the
experiment of this ministration they glorify God for your professed subjection unto the
gospel of Christ, and for your liberal distribution unto them, and unto all men; And by
their prayer for you, which long after you for the exceeding grace of God in you."

After this portion of scripture was revealed to me, I smiled.  Anything that causes men to
praise God is worth me investing my money in. 

February, 1977

Dear Mr....

Enclosed you will find a check for $743 to go toward Channel ____ (a Christian TV station
that was to be built).  The rest of the money I plan on giving $257) will be sent to you just
as soon  as I get back my Federal Income Tax.

I would like to share with you the way I came about deciding to give this money.

For the past 2 years, God has been showing me that it is fun to give more than the regular
10 percent.  I have also learned that it is a privilege.

When I heard.....speak on February 4 and 5, I really felt impressed to give $1000 towards
Channel ___, but I was scared.  I wasn’t quite sure what I should do.  I had the money in
the bank, but I didn’t know if withdrawing it was God’s will.

The Sunday after hearing.....speak, I flatly told God:  “I’m willing to give You the money
if You’ll only command me.”  Just as soon as I uttered those words, I received the
thought, “I will not command a gift of love.”  It was like God tossing the decision back to

I thought about it all week.  I weighed the different possibilities of obtaining the money.
Should I withdraw $1,000?  Should I give a monthly gift?  Should I withdraw some, save
some, and mix it together with the tax refunds?  There was so much to think about.

Then Friday morning I woke up early and when I left for work my mind had been made
up.  During my lunch hour, I was going to withdraw $743 and send in on for Channel ___.

I was scared of my decision.  In fact as I drove into the parking lot where I work, I told
God that I was afraid of the decision I had made even though I considered it as being the
right choice.  I asked Him to give me courage to go ahead with it.

As I stepped out of my car, I found myself singing a song I had helped the youth group at
church learn.  The song was a paraphrased edition of Joshua 1:9. 

When I got into work, I took my Bible out to read what the verse exactly said.  And guess
what the entire verse says?

Josh 1:9 - Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid,
neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

That verse starts out with a kinda question - statement from God...”Have not I
commanded thee?”  Those words seemed to leap straight up at me.

In the beginning I had asked God to command me.  I wanted Him to decide what I should
do.  It seemed, though, that God somehow wanted to either test me or prove me by
leaving the decision entirely up to me.  When I finally made up my mind to go ahead and
give the money, it seemed like God gave me Joshua 1:9 to reassure me that what I had
decided to do was what He wanted me to do all along.

May 28, 1984

God, as in the past few months, I want to give You an additional $100, but if I do I will
be dipping into my $142 savings and leaving me about $42 left.

Would it be pleasing or displeasing to You if I did so?

God, probably what I am about to do is not feasibly right; however, I must do it.

You know I have to have $300 always in my checking account in order to avoid paying a
$3 charge.

I have about $35 due on car repairs and about $48 due on teeth, plus gasoline for the next
2 weeks.

Oh, God, also, please increase my money hugely so I can hugely increase my giving.

God, I lay my gifts at Your feet and ask if I’m foolish or wise?  And I must ask for a
dramatic increase of funds.

June 21, 1984

Dear Mrs.....

I just wanted to write and tell you what great things God has done.

Around last September I made up my mind I was going to give an average of $50 per
month to your organization and $50 per month to another organization.  Well, as the
needs of your organization became apparent to me, you got what I could give, the other
organization received almost nothing, and that bothered me.  I’m not saving I got tired of
your organization.  I just wished I had more funds to give.

All this was also compounded by the fact that giving $100 any month to your mission was
rather a strain on my budget.  I realized I couldn’t consistently give that amount to your
organization - let alone an additional $50 to the other organization.

Knowing that my salary increase was coming up at the end of July, I’ve been praying for
the past several months for a satisfactory raise increase; however, I knew the increase had
to be huge in order for any significant amount to be left after all tax deductions.

God did the totally unexpected.  For years it has been a prayer of mine that my company
would pay for our health insurance.  The main office paid for most of the workers but not
all the workers.  Though I’ve been paying my own, I’ve hated it.  Well, effective
October 15 the main office will be paying $60 of my health insurance and I will pay
$1.87.  Then the system changed their way of deciding salaries for I got a $105 salary
increase effective the last of July.  So, on the 15th of October I will be able to give what I
want to give and the strain will be greatly reduced.

Now, I want to remind you that whatever I give comes from God.  I very well might not
be able to consistently give a huge amount to your mission, though I do want to do so.  I
have car repair bills and insurance coming up rather closely together and they can quickly
eat up any funds.  Though I may seem to be backing down on my giving, I’m just trying
to explain my present financial situation and expenses, remind you to look to God, and
tell you what glorious things God has done.

Jun 29, 1984


Well, last month I wrote you about how God furnished 3 pairs of shoes.  Now, I have a
story to tell about my car.

First off, let me say the car causes troubles.  I mean sometimes it just doesn’t want to
start.  Usually if I take off the air filter cover and place an object tot brace the butterfly
wide open and then try to start the car, everything will work fine.  The trouble is that my
car is inconsistent.  It will do fine for 3 or 4 stops at stores and then it won’t start.

Dad and I had it worked on and it did fine for about 6 months.  Now I’m starting to have
some trouble again.  Since I’m carrying tracts in my purse, I’m trying to remember to give
a tract to anyone who offers to help me get my car started; however, I don’t always

Now to go on with what happened May 31. 

It is 4 1/2 miles to work and when I left work my car registered empty on my way home.  I
wasn’t too worried.  I was just going 1 1/2 miles out of my way to cash my check, go to
the grocery store, and then get gas.  After I left the bank, I headed toward the grocery
store.  I got behind a slow car and when my car gave a couple of “surges of power” I
thought I better get gas.

A gas station was right there on my side of the road  I pulled up, filled it with gas and
then my car wouldn’t start.

I calmly opened the car’s hood, checked the butterfly and concluded it looked wide open.
After several failed attempts of starting my car, 2 polite refusals of help, and 1 failure to
give out a tract, I went inside the gas station and explained the situation.  I wasn't too
worried because I expected the car to start in a few minutes.

When my car still refused to start, I checked the butterfly again and determined it
wouldn’t hurt to try and brace it open even though I didn’t think it look like it needed

Normally I use an over sized windshield scrapper to brace the butterfly open; however,
Dad has been telling me he didn’t like me to use something quite that big.  So, I got into
my glove compartment and brought out a 6 inch craft knife.  I inserted it into the
butterfly and went back inside the car, turned the key, and watched in horror as I saw the
knife disappear down into what leads into the carburetor.  Now I was in trouble!  My car
wouldn’t start, I couldn’t get the knife out and I could barely feel the blade. 

I was too afraid now to even attempt to start my car.  There wasn’t anything left for me to
do but to call Dad who was 2 1/2 miles away.

When Dad got there, he couldn’t get the knife out though the disposable blade came out
in one piece.  Dad suggested we move my car out of the way.  We couldn’t do that;
however, in order to get my car into neutral, the engine had to be running and we couldn’t
do that either.

Then Dad talked about going home and getting his pointed pliers.  Yet Dad thought the
only possible solution was to have my car towed and then have my carburetor work on to
get the knife out.

Though I have tow-in insurance, I have to pay first and then get reimbursed.  I hadn’t
planned on a $35 to $40 tow-in plus costs to get the knife out.  I suggested that we pray
that God would help us.  Dad didn’t see how it would help, but I was desperate.  I closed
my eyes, bowed my head and prayed silently.

As soon as I raised my head, Dad called out, “Hello, Bob.”

I asked Dad who Bob was.  Dad said he used to work at Western Auto.  At that moment,
though, Bob’s car was alongside mine getting filled up with gasoline.

Dad then asked Bob if he had a pair of pointed pliers with him.  Bob referred the question
to his wife who promptly opened up the glove compartment.

Well, the story ended happily.  Bob got the knife out, I gave him a tract, my car started. I
went home and Dad went to the grocery store.  Of course my car is starting fine now.

I hope this story encourages you in how God can work things out in unexpected ways.

Yours in Christ,

February 15, 1986

On a pretty winter day, I found myself despondent over a pair of special boots that I
wanted to find.

By my own requirements and desires, the boots had to be:

1.  black or gray (I wanted black)
2.  tall enough to be just below my knees
3.  unlined
4.  of a sturdy heel
5.  under $20 in price
6.  of dress quality
7.  between a size 4 and 5

The realization that the size requirements made the boots more difficult to find was not
the cause of my depression.  The price was making me depressed.  Two weeks earlier I
had located my dream boots for $75.  Though I did have the money, I considered the price
too high.  Four months earlier at a thrift store God had allowed me to buy a beautiful pair
of brown boots which met my other requirements and just for $4.

Basically my depression was of a spiritual nature.  Whether it was right or wrong I don’t
know, but I had decided I wanted a pair of black boots.  Got had met my desires earlier.
He could do it again. 

The problem was “when” and “how” and “where” and “if” and there was the constant
mental “perhaps I shouldn’t wait on God to act.”

Even a short period of “waiting on God” was hard as I looked around for boots.  I tried to
comfort myself with the thought that I didn’t really need the boots and I had until next
winter to find some black boots.

On this particular winter day, I despondently walked past a Christian bookstore and
entered a new thrift store.  I wondered if I would be able to find my special boots there.
As I looked over a shelf of shoes and boots, I found that my “waiting on God” was over.

Sitting on a shelf with other footwear were a pair of boots that seemed to have a special
secret spiritual identification tag that read, “To you - From God.”

Joy replaced my despondency.  I had waited to see God act and He had.  Gripping the
$4.50 pair of boots, I wiped away my thankful tears, told an unknown woman my story  -
concluding with the words, “Don’t I have a great God!”  I then picked up an English
book, purchased the items and walked out the store.

September 3, 1993

It is 4:00 a.m. and I just woke up hearing a beautiful song being sung by the group
Harvest.  The song was called “On the Water.”  I'm really depressed so
after work tonight, I’ll go out and try to see if I can find the words to that song.

I just flipped open my Bible to see if I could find any comfort and I found myself in
Psalms 119.  Psalms 119:49 seems to be very interesting - “Remember the word unto thy
servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.”

God, give me strength today.

(But God was ahead of the situation.  A week earlier I had to go to the main library and
while I was there, I checked out a popular Christian songbook.  Before I left for work this
morning, I had the impression that I should look in that songbook to see if the song “On
the Water” was in that songbook.  It was!!! And it was a great encouragement to see
God’s hand at work.  He knew I liked the group Harvest and He knew how depressed I
would be on this date and so He worked a little behind the scenes.)

December 13, 1994

Very blue today.  I have a week off on vacation.  And even though the verse in the
devotional Upmost for His Highest is Luke 18:1 and the verse tomorrow in “Our Daily
Bread” is the same, I still asked God if He would bring that verse to me again today (even
though I prayed that about 5:30 p.m.).

I turned on the tape recorder to listen to some music and then I thought I had better turn
my radio on so I would be more apt to hear Luke 18:1.  Then my friend, Rose, called.
She had tried to call me last night, but I was at a women’s church Christmas party.  She
was perplexed about a verse for December 8 in the devotional book Whispers of His
Power.  (Now remember that today’s date was 12/13.)  I asked her to read the devotional
for 12/9 for sometimes Amy Carmichael (the one who wrote the devotional) wrote in a
short series.  Nothing on 12/9 seemed to go with 12/8.

So I asked Rose to read the verse for 12/7.  Guess what verse was on December 7 in
Amy Carmichael’s devotional?  Luke 18:1!!!!!

I had given my friend that devotional book this past August.

June 6, 1995

What is trust?

Trust must go beyond believing - “trusting” God’s promises.  Trust is and must become
trusting or being able to trust the “One” who made the promises.

June 7, 1995

I have been trying to find the book God Can Be Trusted by George Muller.  Can’t find it -
it is nowhere in my bookcases.  Yesterday I looked all over for it and had no luck.

Today it was interesting.  While I was looking for the book, I found a short book by
Frances Ridley Havergal.  The book is called Royal Bounty or Evening Thoughts for the
King’s Guests.  There is a short meditation on Psalms 109:21:

“But do thou for me, O GOD the Lord, for thy name's sake: because thy mercy is good,
deliver thou me.”

She says something like that in order for someone to say “Do Thou for Me” there must be

July 21, 1995

While in the bathroom about 5:30 a.m. I was thinking what song I should sing this
coming Sunday at church.  I know I won’t sing the song I want to sing because it is
difficult.  It is called “Trust His Heart.”

I went up the stairs to my bedroom.  While I was putting on my hose, I thought I should
turn the radio on.  “No.”  I mean, it would divert my attention.  But I did.  The radio
station was in the middle of playing the song “Trust His Heart.”

That is what God is wanting from me - trust.

July 27, 1995


Ps 28:6-7 - Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped:
therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
    T    urmoil all over,
    R    estful the soul,
    U    ndismayed the spirit,
    S    tressless the prayers,
    T    riumphant the tears.

July 29, 1995

It is Saturday and my first day on vacation.

I’m excited.

Today is hot.

I wasn’t going far, but before I left home I moved things downstairs from my bedroom in
the cool of the day.  Then I thought:  “I need to read my devotionals in the cool of the day
- they are upstairs - read especially the green one, Climbing the Heights.”

The verse for the day in that was Psalms 40:4 - Blessed is that man that maketh the
LORD his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.

June 20, 1996

Last night it seemed to me that I should start a diary that will zero in on “glory.” 

June 25, 1996

Depressed enough that I went over to a friend’s house and stayed until after 7:30.  Came
home and worked on a card.

But I still say that I see God’s leading and the word is “glorify.”

June 26, 1996

I am back into reading Psalms and today I read Ps 24:7-10 - Lift up your heads, O ye
gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.  Who is
this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle.  Lift up
your heads, O ye gates; even lift them up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory
shall come in.  Who is this King of glory? The LORD of hosts, he is the King of glory.

I gave a devotional book to a co-worker and handed out 2 tracts elsewhere - 1 at the gas
station and 1 at the thrift store.

Also, it seems that sometimes the best way to glorify God is just to trust Him.

July 13, 1996

LATE:  My friend, Rose, has been having health problems and her sons need to be
walking with God.  I have been praying for them for about 2 years - off and on.  Rose
is in poor health.  Well anyway, her oldest son has really been upset over the breakup
with his girlfriend.  (I almost went by his house today to give a book by Max Lucado - He
Still Moves Stones.  I had taken it with me when I left the house thinking I might give it
to someone.)  Well, on my way home after a good time witnessing, I thought about
Rose's son.  So I when by the library and looked up his address, but when I went to get
the book out of the trunk of my car before leaving the library, I found that my name was
written in ink.  So I decided that it wasn’t perhaps the right timing or such.  I went home
and called Rose and she said her son probably would have turned it down.

About 7:15, Rose called me and said she was going to drive herself to the hospital.
She was having such a hard time breathing.  She refused my offer to take her but
welcomed my saying I would meet her.  I took the book with me.  Since the hospital was
about 2 miles away, I got there before Rose.  Her son eventually came in and only
stayed a few minutes and left without me giving him the book.  (I really didn’t see an
open door.) 

Rose told me he had left to see his former girlfriend who lived just a few blocks away.
She said he was trying to reconcile with her.

I told Rose that I would leave the book with her and she could give it to her son

A little while later in walked her son again with his girlfriend.  Then he left again a few
minutes later and I found myself handing out the book and asking the girlfriend if she
would like the book.  She burst into tears and hugged the book.  A few minutes later,
the son came back in and the discussion was over.  They left shortly after.  Rose went
up to the 2nd floor of the hospital and I got home about 11:15 p.m.

I sing tomorrow and I have been planning on singing something about glory.  Well, this
has been a glorious day.

July 14, 1996

The evening service has been canceled and so I don’t get to sing.  But guess what song
was sung during the invitational?  The song was “ Can Hear My Saviour Calling.”  The
last verse says something along the way that God will give grace and glory.

Well, anyway, after church this morning and eating out, I went and saw Rose in the
hospital and we were still both amazed and what happened last night.  We could see
God’s leading in the giving of that book all along.  I wanted to give the book to her son
yesterday, but I ended up giving it to his girlfriend.  And by the way, I had written down
the wrong address of  her son so I wouldn’t have found his house and he lived in an
apartment building.

February 23, 1997 

I felt very close to God today and kept thanking Him for allowing me to do cards.
However, I don’t know what to do with the cards AFTER I do them.

March 3, 1997 

Despite the fact that I slept very little last night, I woke up in a very good mood and I
came home from work and found my Federal Income Tax refund had arrived.

I am very happy on thinking how I should spend it.  I plan on giving God half of it.  But I
don’t know if I should start buying some more things for my computer - like a better
printer and perhaps a backup hard drive?????

March 4, 1997 

The following letter is what I was forced to type up as a rough draft this evening and will
help explain what today was like:
Dear Ms......

I came to work on Tuesday, March 4, praising God and telling Him how much I loved
Him and I went home and fell on my knees and cried while I told Him how much I loved
Him.  But the only thing which really happened all day besides putting in a day of
“honest work” and resolving how I was going to give some of my Federal Income Tax
Refund away was to receive a letter from the your office giving me an ultimatum:  either
receive a drastic cut in pay for a few months or go without any pay for awhile.

I know the choice is all mine to make and I have made up my mind.  Though God doesn’t
need my money, He does work THROUGH people for His glory and for fresher
experiences with Him.

And because I live at home with my 83 year old father I have kept my “monthly” living
expenses at a minimum.  I have chosen by my lifestyle to show what is most important to
me.  But  where does some of my monthly money go?

    the missionary family in Brazil
    the missionary in the Chad
    the couple working in Kenya
    a Vietnamese radio broadcaster
    a Hmong radio broadcaster
    a Filipino evangelist
    the only radio broadcaster who preaches to the people of Bhutan
        (I started praying for that country in the late 1970’s)
    a radio station in the Philippines
    a radio program into Afghanistan
    a radio program into Turkey
    my own church
    an organization which tries to help people learn about Christ who don’t even have
                a written language
    the Russian broadcasters

God does not need my money - but because I am willing God has been able to work
through me to help other people.

I have resolved to go a little while without any money.

You see - God is my ultimate employer and if He wishes me to give Him money when I
have no paychecks coming in - that is okay with me.  If He wishes to give me money
without any of my employer’s funds, that is also okay with me. But I cannot see me
reducing my giving at the present time.  Love gives and I love God. 

You have an organization to run and I have eternal issues which I must give to and pray
for NOW.

Thank you for bringing God closer and dearer to me.  And please for my sake read II
Corinthians 8 and 9.  I read Chapter 8 at 6:15 this morning and tomorrow I will read
Chapter 9.  Those two chapters speak of giving to God.  Jesus left all for me.  I can do a
little without for Him because people are eternal and there is a Heaven and a Hell.
I will keep you updated on my “adventure with God.”


NOTE:  What basically happened was that my employers were putting 3 of the employees
(me included) on a different pay schedule.  I don’t know what they are doing.  I am too
perplexed and disturbed to really think.  I have until March 10 to tell them what option I
will be taking.  It means about a 20 percent decrease in gross salary from March 14
through August 31.

Really the funny thing is that I have basically been reading Psalms, Jeremiah, and Isaiah
since March of 1995.  I have read John twice and I had just finished reading Daniel and I
had decided to read II Corinthians.  I was really reading Chapter 8 today when all of this
happened.  Chapter 8 is really a good chapter on giving.

My Bible fell on the floor today while I was leaving the lounge.  I opened it up to Psalms
37.  There was much in it to contemplate.  In it it states that there will be plenty in
drought, etc.

(I have August 16 on my mind for some reason.)

March 6, 1997 

It appear that all things may straighten out.

Today I read II Corinthians Chapter 10:17 - "But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord."

That verse refers to Jeremiah 9:23-24 - "Thus saith the LORD, Let not the wise man glory
in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in
his riches:  But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me,
that I am the LORD which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the
earth: for in these things I delight, saith the LORD."

I told God that I have no wisdom (especially in this matter), I have no might (but I have
been praying that His Spirit might work for His Spirit has power and might) and I
definitely have no riches.  Yet I have all these things in Christ.

March 8, 1997 

We haven’t heard anything from the main office yet.  Monday is the deadline for us to
give them our option.

I do not know if I should hoard my money or what.

(All the time when I was preparing to send off a check to an organization today, I was
kinda fearful.  Remember, my pay might be totally cut off for 6 weeks in the late summer
or my gross salary be reduced by about 10 percent each payday starting 3/14.  ( If my
checks are reduced that will be from 3/14 through 8/15.  That is a long time.)

March 9, 1997 

Isaiah 55:11 is not a promise - it is a declaration.  “So shall my word be that goeth forth
out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I
please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.”

Today at church the bulletin had Psalms 20:7 on it.  “Some trust in chariots, and some in
horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.”

Then the song they sang was “ Can Hear My Saviour Calling.”  The last verse says again that
He will give grace and glory.

(This evening I peaked at the calendar which is downstairs in the dining room.
Tomorrow’s verse is Jeremiah 9:24.)

March 12 1997 

Two of the secretaries seemed very depressed this afternoon.  Tomorrow we get our
paycheck stubs and it may mean that we will after all have a pay decrease

March 13 1997 

Today was another commemorative date.  I was going to send $100 to an organization to
help translate a Bible in a Chad dialect.  And since I had some other giving to do (my
regular monthly giving), I sent those checks and the check to the other organization in the
mail on my way to work.  I could have mailed them at work, but I was afraid if I received
bad news regarding my money I might have been tempted to take the envelopes out of the

Though I love God and giving, I really don’t want to even think about what it would
mean NOT to cut back in giving and yet still survive for about 5 months on the money
left over after my gifts. 

We received no decrease in our checks and I feel like I’ve been given a reprieve.

March 14, 1997 

Today I went to work praising God.  I really love God and I really love giving to
missions, but I still feel so lonely.  I have no one really near my age to speak to about
God, giving, etc.  It doesn’t take too long to write out checks and then if I really start to
give more to God on a consistent bases, that means I’ll have to watch more carefully what
I spend. 

Giving to missions means you really have no contact with anyone.  You really have no
one to cheer your soul to tell you to keep at it. 

I still think that the testing of my finances this past week was good for me.  But I don’t
understand the reasoning behind the testing and it hasn’t cured my loneliness. 

But I still must believe that God is working and my part is to praise Him in singing.

August 22, 1997

God, it is my duty to so work and prepare my paths so that that Your will will prosper in

God, let my life reflect Thy glory.

God, I don’t know what to do with my cards.  I don’t like investing that much money and
yet, I invest my money so that others proclaim your glory, etc.  (But they are doing it for
missions.  My main market are to people here at home.)